now that i am working and will have money i need ideas for things to buy. whatchya got?

priceless

so this afternoon Sanaa (pronounced Senna) and I were doing art. She made a birthday card for her mom (even though Rhidika's birthday is in Nov, haha) and I made a "I miss you" card for H. And Sanaa was like, "what's that?" so i told her and she was like, who's that, bla bla bla...i was like "someone that i don't get to see hardly at all anymore," etc etc...anyway, and then i drew a sad face on mine. and she was SO cute, she was like, "But I'm here with you."

kids. amazing. :)

spent the morning learning how to make two indian dishes, rice pilaf and moongdal, like a lentil soup. they were good, we had them for dinner.
gotta sleep, gotta wake up early... :(

last week/today

Man, I wish I had posted something more recently in order to give full justice to just how amazing last week was. Because let me tell you, the week (note: not weekEND) was really great. Last Monday I came down here, to the peninsula, and interviewed for a nanny job. I had actually gotten a call just the day before--Sunday...or was it Saturday? Actually I guess it might have been Friday...at any rate, after the call I had to call Amytron to get support around it...but that's a completely different story and I'm getting off-track altogether...ANYWAY, back to last week, Monday's in-person interview went really well. Tuesday I think the only thing going on was my little brother's baseball game...which they lost :( but it was still fun to go to. Then Wednesday was SOOOOOO great! Went to therapy (ok, not the great part...only if H was my T :( ) and then drove over to Lafeyette and just hung out and read the really good book I'm still reading and then got to see Tricia!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because it was a support group in Lafeyette. And yeah so that was sooooo good. And then on Thursday that was an even BETTER day!!!!!!!! Because I got to see H!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaand she is soooo funny cause I walked in w/ Tricia and of course she just acted like it had been just no time at all had passed since I had seen her (well, it had only been 8 days...) and she gets gets SOOO excited over the SMALLEST things, lol it's hilarious. And so she was really excited about the aforementioned tomato plant, Tobias. And we chatted about how things were going blah blah blah. And Alan walked past and then saw me in the php room and came in and was so excited to see me and he wanted to know how everything was going :) Then he left, and I was talking to H about what they had done for art therapy. Apparently they had been instructed to choose someone they admired and blah blah blah i'm not sure the exact details because as soon as she told me that all I could think was trying to tell her that I would have picked her, which I did tell her and she gave me a hug. a looooong one. cause she is understanding like that and she said i was a good hugger! and she told me to "hang in there," like she always has been lately, and that she would bring me a tomato from tobias :)
sooo then tricia and i finally headed down to the basement and leslie! yay! gave a thing on assertiveness. i love leslie! and it was soooo good. seriously. you shoulda, er, COULDA, been there. OH I left out the good part!!! I actually went into Berkeley around twelve-ish/one-ish and it was PERFECT weather and i read and sat in the grass and drank COLD chocolate milk and a pear and it was soooo lovely...and amytron was with me in spirit :)....and then went for a hike up to tilden park and then came back and THEN finally met tricia to go talk to H....anyway, so after support group tricia and i walked to telegraph and went to the same cafe that amytron and i had been to before. maaaaan good stuff. we talked for a long time and it was so lovely!!!!
anyway, so friday morning i left by 9:30 am to go do a trial babysit for this fam down here. went super well. coming home i got lost, but luckily i have a SF city savvy friend :) who helped direct me. i ended going over FIVE different bridges that day. luckily i only had to pay toll on two. ha.
friday night. no bueno. boys=no no no bueno. no no no.
---->saturday no bueno.
sunday=muy bueno. since my fam was out of town this weekend, i got to take up alllll my parent's responsibilities at church hahaha. i played piano for sacrament meeting, taught gospel doctrine, and played piano in relief society lolzzzzz. then cope's invited me over! then went to napa last night for z wag's mission farewell. good day. ANYWAY and then i got home last night from napa and this fam had left me a voicemail being like, just come start today...
and i was waaaaay freaked out but SHOUT OUT TO AMYTRON for helping me through it. seriously what would i do without her.
anyway today was sooooo good starting a new job. hopefully things will continue going well. i'll give you more of the 411 about today and this new fam soon, but i gotsa go to bed. gotta wake up at 6:30 :(
<3 XOXOXOXO

today: soooo not feelin' it. or anything, actually.

i'm scared right now. falling into a HUGE rut. soooo no bueno. no no no no bueno. if things go back to how they were, that will be soooo not good. everything was sooooo awful. but there's SUCH a strong pull to it. it's extremely depressing applying for tons of jobs and hearing nothing back. it's also extremely depressing hanging out at home for too long. UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGH. i feeeeeel soooo trapped in my own head. no bueno no bueno no bueno.

as promised,

a real post-- with pictures! finally! i know i have been relatively m.i.a., but let me assure you, i have been trying to fill my life with some productive things. the following includes a's games, going for walks in beautiful benicia, my homemade birthday present to my awesome lil brother who turned 11, going to the park with walter, my sisters cara and cat, and also my friend anne sent me a bouquet!!! so here are some pics:


















last night i slept over @ amytron's :D it was sooooo goood to see her and we had a greaaaaaat chat. it was 'zactly what i needed. she def helped me make a life decision. we role played and practiced her assignment, talked 'bout relationships and how those are going, how we are doing in general...how much i miss h :( which was good cause she understood. one of the few. ummmmm we called some of our peeps! which was good! chloe called me back this morning and said our message almost made her cry! which was very very sweet. hmm what else...she showed me pics of a cute lil baby! it was just really really great to see her. next week on monday i get to see her again, happy day! k k so then this morning while i was waiting for wizzy to come into the city i went to the library and read. i'm reading a really good book called The Story of Edgar Sawtelle. suuuuper good. wizzy came and we went to union square and people watched!!! it was soooooo good to see her; we also talked for a long time about tons of different stuff. i <3 my peeps so much!!
what else what else....
i got to see h last week on thursday. was sad to leave :(
two job interviews. i'll update 'bout those later.
seeing JH tomorrow...more excited to see tricia!!!!!!!!

peace.

Sam Harris: Science can answer moral questions | Video on TED.com

Sam Harris: Science can answer moral questions | Video on TED.com

real post to come later...with pictures.

not. doing. ok.
saw JH on monday.
i miss h.

here is the real thing: i want to prove to everyone that i do need her to be able to do this. that is what it comes down to.
so basically everything is going to crap.

except my professional life. got interviews and stuff going on, etc...