Saturday Night Soliloquy

I feel enlightened right now. Moments of feeling like this are fleeting, so I thought I would try to describe it.
I think just the idea of being happy is what is nice about it. I really can picture myself in that space. It's such an incredibly nice feeling. I've felt it before. It's really empowering, also. Like-- I can make my life whatever I want it to be. I can live where I want. I can pursue any endeavor I want. I can care about myself. I can love myself for who I am.
It's just such an incredibly happy idea.
After a few moments of feeling like this, insert fear. Fear of being like, FAT. Because of course there's no way I could actually feel happy and be at a healthy weight. Gosh, how could I actually accept myself that way? Ugh. I'm working on it. But I do believe it's out there at least. That's definitely progress.

One of the greatest things about going through this is that it has definitely opened my eyes to some things I want out of life. I think before I was just so, blah. Like, leave me alone I don't care about my life I have no goals or ambitions life sucks. But now, I definitely want some things. I can totally see myself in five or ten years or whatever being an awesome guitar playing, German/French speaking, boat-owning therapist! Who lives in Sausalito and scuba dives and reads To Kill a Mockingbird with her beautiful children.

Sweet dude. Sweet.

i miss J :(