this past thursday, and yesterday

whew. thursday was a big day. A came and took me out of weekend planning group to talk. He understands so well everything I'm feeling. He is really remarkable. Anyway, talking with him I cried a lot. We talked about the paths. Death OR Possibility. Those are the two paths.
Then at ten we went back in, and during break and snack H and I talked for a long time. We talked about just going swimming and actually enjoying the water, or going for a hike and enjoying being with someone and nature, rather than how many calories you've burned or what you look like in a bathing suit. that really struck me; it feels so good to enjoy swimming. we talked about forgetting, in her words, "superficial bullshit." we talked about how fun it would be for me just to have my own apartment and do my own thing and how awesome that would be. i dunno. i guess i feel like wednesday night i was really testing her. like, i was really going for her to give up on me. but then on thursday she just spent a lot of time with me. i think that really realllllllly means a lot to me.
anyway, therapeutic lunch was salad bar which went pretty well.
before art therapy, it was chloe's last day, and she played us a song. it was SOOOOOOOOOOO gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood. i started crying, it was a really touching moment. just because it was like, all of us, h, a, j, all the girls...just transfixed and being simultaneously moved and everyone was so connected. that was definitely a really special moment.
anyway, so art therapy was "depict 3 qualities of yourself that have nothing to do with physical appearance." most of the time though i spent talking to h and asking her questions about her husband. we asked her how they met and how he proposed etc etc and what he looked like. she gave us some awesome advice. anyway in the last like five minutes i drew a picture of a sun over a lake and to the left of the lake there was a trampoline and a swingset. because i feel like i'm bright and playful but also the lake is really thoughtful. and h was very insightful as usual and was like, "i definitely think you're really thoughtful, but also you can't see very far down into them, but there's a lot going on down there. but i was definitely glad to see the playground."
and in check out i made this completely insane commitment to follow my mealplan this weekend if a) i get a prize from jaime on monday, and b) if H went to the support group on thursday night. UGH bad idea. anyway afterwards, met up with amytron and walked around and got dinnerrrrrr at a salad place and then went to support group OMGOSH IT WAS SO GOOD. sooooooooooooooo gooooooooooo to see pam and lauren and kristine f and jude!!!!!!! it was fantastic to see everyone. seriously. :) omgosh and beforehand i talked with this girl CC and she is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo cooooooooooooooool. she gave me her email address and said i could email her whenever. ALSO H DID COME so yeah basically i have to follow through.
it has been hard. hard hard hard. friday morning woke up and i wasn't hungry AT ALL and no one was even around to help me out. but i did it and then called naomi!! it was fantastic! and called lauren too. then showered and got ready for my dentist appt. hour and a half of pure torture. ugh. then by noon my mouth was still super numb and couldn't eat anything. then by one still numb so i was like ok dad let's go get ensures. then i asked him if we could play a game and he said he had work to do. so i cried. and did the dumb ensures. but i was like, ok, i do not want to feel so shitty so i called daniel and sam and i went and saw alice in wonderland with them. and came home and no one was around and by that time it was like seven thirty and i had to do dinner so i had leftover salad eeeeewwwww but i did get protein and had some bread and milk and fruit.
so that basically encompasses yesterday.
today= saturday. probably gonna shower, teach piano, maybe go for a picnic? play basketball? color and send someone a picture? good plan, self. good plan.

oh, and if you're wondering why i'm trying to communicate a lot more about php lately it's cause i feel like since they're my last few days, i need to capture and remember ALLLLL of it. cause i'm really gonna miss it. a lot.