Normal...

normal is: having a bad hair day. accidentally running a red light and getting a $350 ticket. having some piece of retarded clothing not fit. tossing trash in the garbage can and missing. writing an entire blog entry and saving it, all to find it got erased.
today in process group we talked about what is normal? that was after having heard whitney's first share and i practically had a break down just because it was so heart wrenching. i actually cried during most of the group because it was my last one with H. H talked about how when she was a little tot her parents were kinda hippies and every saturday morning they would sit her in front of sesame street for like 5 hours, and they would give her some cup of orange juice and she would cry and be like, "I don't want the top that's for babies." but she would spill it every time! she said it was like a subconscious thing that would happen because she would be needing them to take care of her. but they never did, and every morning they would have to clean up OJ from their carpets. I cried after she said that we were each, like, miracles. And also Angelina was having a really hard time with ambivalence and saying how she only had motivation that vague and unsure and I said I felt the same way, but then I talked about seeing this really beautiful sunrise and saying how that was some big motivation. I was like, super crying. :( And so after group H came and put her arms around me and I just cried and I kinda just let myself take it in. Like, at first when someone puts their arms around you you're still all tense, but after a second I just like melted and put my head on her shoulder and cried. It was like really really supportive of her.
I cried really hard when I talked to Alan and told him about Harriet the Spy and how I related to it. Alan is so understanding.
And I cried when I talked to Jaime about how scared I am for being discharged.

*sigh* so much crying! it makes me tired just thinking about it!

but at least i didn't cry during community meeting. i ran it :) we talked about how everyone was just feeling as part of the community. etc.

soooo tomorrow: H said if i write a letter to myself in six months she will send it to me. so i need to do that tomorrow. and i'm going to take a bunch of pictures and make a recovery book. and get my hair done at 11. and clean my room/do laundry. and update my bloggio for a shout out to some peeps (jude, anne, and erin who have been MAJORLY supportive of me!) and teach piano. and maybe go play volleyball tomorrow night!

and try not to think about thursday.