Today was great.
I was really anxious about going to PHP today because of how poorly this weekend went (which is why I thought that I might be doing inpatient) but alas! I have proved my motivation is genuine and so I don't have to. Yaaaaay!
Highlights:

• H talking to me pre-lunch for like 20+ mins. She told me that I am special and awesome and I could do what she does! And that she sees something in me.
  
• Leslie is SO THOUGHTFUL! Last week at one of the lunches I had been asking her about poetry or something, and she remembered and saw something on Craigslist that made her think of me! And she printed it out and left it on my lunch tray! She is so sweet!
• Chloe played guitar and sang for us after lunch. It was amazing; she is really really talented and doesn't even realize it.
  
• H talking to Amy and me post-PHP and telling us all this cool stuff and that we could basically be running the program. Aaaaand we talked til like 5. Which was awesome.

So now tonight I have had dinner. And snack. And why the fuck am I SOOOO full.....It feels like more full than at PHP. And it's reallllly hard to deal with. :( Pleaseeeee I don't know what to do. This is SO hard. I feel like tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and be like 20 lbs + heavier. And I know that's not true. But that's how it feels.
I'm really close to target weight, so it's like this is the worst part. Because I'm basically there and I hate hate hate hate it. They're such assholes for not letting me maintain already. Fuuuuuuck. Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate. I don't know how to deeeeeal with this. Gay gay gay gay.