Peregrination to Provo, Remarkably Rare Rock, Super Support, and Fantastic Fall!

First order of business: Happy [29th] Birthday to the amazing woman who expelled me from her ute. You are amazing momma!

So, I wrote earlier that I wasn't going to post a picture, but I ended up learning a little bit about my camera, and here is what you get...not super fantastic photos that do the Ring any justice...but whatevs

Ahh, spectacular...

^girl's best friend^

So many people wrote on my FB which was really really cool

You can't really tell, but the leaves are starting to turn colors :)

The morning of...The Proposal

Off to Provo we goooooo

Yay.

B-rad just got off work. = Bye.

The Proposal!

So....I am officially engaged. It is pretty amazing. :)

B-rad picked me up and blindfolded me and drove me to an unknown location, and when we got out of the car we walked a short distance, and I heard violin hymn music! I love it. Anyway, and then B-rad took the blindfold off and there were tons of candles and roses and rose petals on the table and two "champagne glasses" and Martinelli's and he had gotten my favorite salad from Pastry Pub 'cause he is amazing like that! And we talked and it was a perfect night and we could see so many stars. And when we finished eating, we tried to dance but I am too much of an awkward dancer, combined with the fact that the CD kept skipping, it was just rather comical. Anyway, then he sang this song to me and I started crying so much because I really really love him and he is more perfect for me than anyone. At the end he got down on his knee and then I was really really crying and he asked me if I would marry him....and the rest is history!

So for the past hour we've been calling like everyone and texting everyone and I will post pictures of the ring tomorrow!

And right now on my facebook I feel soooooo much love from so many people commenting on my status, it is incredible, like even people I didn't even think would notice or say anything of course! It's so incredible.

this song reminds me of b-rad

Hollllllerrrrrrr

I'm gonna make this post as phlegmatic as possible.

So, this weekend B-rad and I headed to the 'vo to visit his cousin who works at Jared's. After only looking at a couple of rings, we found the perfect, most beautiful one. It is incredibly unique and beautiful and according to all the sincere people who worked there, it was undoubtedly the best ring in the store. This ring is perfect, I am telling you guys. PERFECT.
But B-rad only let me wear it that night and Sunday to church :( Now he is keeping it captive until he plans the perfect way to give it to me. He called my dad on Sunday night, too, and I hear that went well.

After ring shopping, we got a chance to visit my favorite JNB friend, which was great. I love her. The rest of the time we were with some of his mission companions, which was pretty fun. Anth is super legit, a wayyy good host.

Ride home helped B-rad and I grow in our relationship...urgh, a disagreement, but we kinda worked through it.

Pictures of the weekend to follow, but no pictures of the ring. Pictures just won't do it justice, you see. Gotta be in mah RL to experience that one, folks...

mofo

1:18 a.m.

got pwned today.

can't try anymore.

Kick Ed's ass today. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass.Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass.Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass. Kick Ed's ass.

Terrifically Tantalizing Tuesday

Today was Tuesday.
Today I had a pretty clear vision of what my life would be like in ten years when I am all healthy and happy and ED free. It was just a flash of picture in my mind.

It was a late fall afternoon, probably that time around 5:00 when the sun is still up but starting to set. And you feel and smell the fall air and the trees are turning orange, yellow, and red. And I was wearing a deep red knit sweater and I had silver earrings in and dark blue jeans (probably like size 4 or 6 :) ) and some dark brown shoes like my Sketchers and my hair was darker and about shoulder-length, and I was sitting in some youth league bleachers with a little girl around 2 or 3 years old and we were watching some kids play a sport, but I didn't really see what sport in that picture.
And it was so happy and content.

Can't wait.

Pictures from this weekend....commentary to follow tomorrow...

I.am.vain.

Quasimoto?

Tyler. He kept crawling under my legs and sitting in my lap. What a sweetie.

Kate is a doll.

:)

Friday night we went on a hike.

A deer that let us get super close to it!

No crust, please. (No mayo, or cheese, for that matter) :-D Also notice the apples and laffy taffy! They didn't have any purple ones at the store...what a crime..but the "sparkles jerry cherry" was good, too.

<3 :)

yeah yeah, post whore tonight but you better listen up...

'cause i've been doing some serious thinkin', thanks to a good trophy wife friend i have. :)

some people let this take over who they are. literally. i feel like that was me today. i let it invade my nearly every thought. thoughts lead to actions. i can control what i think. i CAN. you know, i never really thought of it that way. i have the choice to think "oh gosh, so fat so fat so fat." or to not have that thought. although of course it is hard to eliminate those thoughts, it is also my choice whether to act on those thoughts. i can choose to treat my body the way Heavenly Father wants me to treat it. healthy and happy healthy and happy healthy and happy. i CAN give myself what i need.
i was shaking so badly today.
i got off the phone with my mom and i look at the phone in my hand and it is shaking. i want to drive somewhere and put something in my body i can handle. something cold cold cold with a decent amount of sugar in it to give me energy. but i just sit there. in my car. i feel like i can't move. and i just sit there in the driver's seat curled up. with my head in my knees and sit there.
this scene is not unfamiliar for the past TWO point FIVE YEARS.
lots of times i think, "i know i'm not choosing happiness. but what is the big deal about not being so happy?" i will tell you. because if you DON'T choose happiness, you aren't choosing just not being happy-go-lucky, you are choosing guilt, despair, loneliness, and every negative feeling! and those are horrible!!!!! i hope that makes sense.

i just kinda wish i had a clear image of what my body really looks like. :/

tomorrow is the beginning of my life! tomorrow i won't weigh myself! i will just be happy. and you know what song i will think about when i need to remind myself to feel happy? This One.

Aquaintance with Yours Truly

I've been entertaining some ideas about what to share on this fine Thursday afternoon, and after some thought I decided that you dear people would want to know about "the outside" of what makes Me, although small details you can gather from reading older posts; for example, that I am from the Bay (holla atchya peeps). Anyway, today is a list-kind-of-day (what day isn't? I love lists!).
1. Biology major. I love science. Incredibly fascinating to me. Not difficult. But I mean, now that I think about it, I really just love learning in general. This semester, my German class is my favorite. Love history. Love English. Er, like math but sometimes it is hard for me to understand. Love music....this seems like it could be more than one item on the list....
2. I speak Spanish.
3. I believe purple laffy taffies are one of life's great pleasures.
4. Did an internship in South Carolina summer 2008. One of the best and worst experiences of my life.
5. 2nd of a whopping 7 children. Our fam is epic.
6. I believe cloud watching is something that should be done regularly. (Today we learned the German word for cloud! Die Wolke.)
7. In life for realsies it makes me really uncomfortable talking about myself for too long. In 7th grade I distinctly remember making friends in P.E. and I didn't share anything about myself for the whole first semester! I am learning though that it is important to do that! There is a balance between being self-centered and super closed I guess. :-/
8. I totally pick up on other people's little weird behaviors (the ones I like), and I don't even know if they know it! Two examples: B-rad's hand gesturing. Well, actually I won't share the other one cause it's just so weird!
9. I play OBOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE yeah check that fools. It's pretty much the ultimate instrument right up there with harp and cello.
10. Size 7.5 OR 8 feet. Relatively small for someone 5'10" but my mom has small feet. Never pierced ears or anything for that matter. Dyed my hair for the first time this summer, it turned out FAB thank you very much. :-D hahahahahaaaaaaaa.


Predict tonight to be not so great. Today has been not so great. Like I mentioned yesterday?, had Gah-roop yesterday. Me no likey mucho.

5 more hours to sleep...but I took this picture last fall. I like it.

It's SO late!

It is really late. Unfortunately I just have so much going on in my ol' cranial skull. So I want to make this to the point.
Today, B-rad met J. They spoke for 10 minutes-ish. Then he went to math. J and I talked. Lots of things hit me today. One thing, for example, is that I say, "Oh, I want to be doing a lot better by the time I get married." But also there are many, many things to take into account that undoubtedly will deter that. Comparing myself to other brides is definitely a factor; fitting into that wonderful size 2 wedding dress; and of course, the "wedding night" and you-- er, I,-- want to look super hot. MOTHER OF PEARL WHAT IS A GIRL TO DO.
More importantly, though, is something J said about how it's like, a "functional alcoholic" would be all like telling their fiance, "Oh, I'm recovering and I go to meetings and I'm doing a lot better," but that night they get wasted and nothing is truly different. Then she had to be all like philosophical and hit me to the core and be like, "If you had to pick between B-rad and your e.d. which would you choose?" And I was all like, bla bla bla I don't want to get faaaaaaaaaaat life sucks except I love B-rad so yeah. So now I have a really important goal for this week that I am going to take really seriously.

Oh, ok, so then tonight B-rad was amazing AS ALWAYS and after institute he helped me with my German homework which I didn't think I was even going to need help on but actually I needed help on every single sentence, ha! and he was so nice about it like telling me I was doing really good on it, anyway I digress because really what was amazing was that after we read another chapter of Chronicles of Narnia, he was all like, "Meeting J with you was the highlight of my day! She is so great, I want to help you so much, I wanted to stay with you guys today!" Like, is there anyone more perfect out there? Honestly?

In conclusion: tomorrow=group. No further commentary needed. :-/ Wish me luck?

For the inquiring minds as to what B-rad looks like...

Ummm....yeah, I was really tired......but we are so cute :)

He is driving his super hot old school truck.

Cheesy smile :)

Our Song :)

This Labor Day weekend has been really great. Friday evening John and Amy went elk scouting up on Cedar Mountain, and so I tended the lil 'uns til about 10:30 p.m. when B-rad picked me up and we headed to St. G-izzle. It was definitely a spur of the moment thing, and with anyone I have ever dated in the past I would have declined the invite, because I was so tired!, but I always want to be with B-rad and I'm so glad I went. So we got down there round about 11:15 and we went hot tubbing with three of his old mission friends: Amy, Petty, and Lynn. It was really fun! Came in around 12:30 and er, B-rad and I went to bed around 3:30 a.m.....(edited those three hours for viewer content hahahahahahaha) But really, we are doing really really well in that area so don't even fret.

Saturday we played rock band all morning, then B-rad and I came back 'cause he had to work at 1:15 p.m. and I was going to see Julie & Julia with my friend Kaelee. It was REALLY cute!!! I'm so glad I got to see it!!! Kaelee is way way cool, too. Anyway, then that afternoon just got random crap done and watched the news and some of the football going on and I forget all the stuff but B-rad got off work later that evening and we watched most of Pirate's of the Caribbean with his brother Hank who I think will be a great b.i.l.
Sunday was good...both yesterday and today I've gotten some great sleep :-D Anyway, went to church with B-rad. Sunday School was really good! Lol, I say that because let's be honest! Sunday School in a student ward can sometimes be hard to pay attention to! After church took 'nother nap. MMMMM love Sunday naps. Went to his house for dinner. Man, I can't even TELL you how good I am doing this weekend. Because I love him and he helps me so much. Ping pong afterwards. I love playing ping pong with him. Then game night. Then we actually came home around 10:30 and talked in his car for quite awhile (yes, we WERE actually talking).

This morning I talked to meina mutti (german for my mommy) for awhile and talked about engagement stuff. But also about how amazing it is that B-rad is so right for me. Like, not many guys could handle what I've thrown out at him. And he has helped me so much. And so today I was listening to Pandora and the song came on that B-rad sang to me. It's called Your Guardian Angel by Red Jump Suit Apparatus and I literally started crying. Like, my feelings were indescribably strong for how much I love him.

Today= visiting B-rad at work with a girl I met at church yesterday! :-D Anyway I have to go do that like, er, NOW, and I am not even ready....uh oh!

Love you.

Never Want a Day Like That Again....

So, yeah. Yesterday sucked hardcore.

But Brady got off work. And made everything okay.

Right now= listening to Wicked. "I couldn't be happier....because happiness is what happens when all your dreams come true..." Class in 45 mins. Then work noon to five. Then babysit five to ten. Then hang out with Brady? Maybe. OOOh Jack Johnson's Talk of the Town song just came onto Pandora! Love it. Check it out.

Heart you guys.

Mother of Pearl

UUUUUUUUUUguuuguuuugh. Today is no good. So I am writing a poem.

There is a meany Ed,
Who lives inside my head.
He says, "Please don't get fed."
I wish that he were dead.

My body I so hate,
And in my mind I state:
Please don't touch that plate.
Bathroom after I ate.

Maybe one day there'll be
A thought inside of me
That says, "I'm great, you see!"
Til then, I feel heavy.